Yeah Right

Comedy Turned to Prophecy

Everyone who's seen Meet the Parents remembers the great dinner scene, where Ben Stiller eventually describes his experience milking a cat.  Remember how that scene starts?  Robert de Niro says to Stiller (I'm paraphrasing) "these vegetables aren't nearly as fresh as you're used to growing up on a farm."To which his bride-to-be says, "Dad, he grew up in Detroit, I don't think there are any farms there."

Looks like she spoke too soon.

Great Actors and Actresses, by the Numbers

Don't you love articles that argue you don't need to quantify greatness - and then proceed to develop stats that quantify greatness?  If that sounds like your speed, check this out.  Very interesting way to rank the best actors and actresses of all time.  Who do you think finishes number one on each list?  The answer might surprise you.

Of course, this is all motivated by the fact that Meryl Streep didn't win last night.  I thought she would, in one of those "lifetime" Best Actor or Actress Awards that Hollywood frequently gives out to someone who gets nominated all the time, never wins, and then finally does (like Jack Lemmon and Paul Newman for Actor, and Martin Scorsese for Director).  In Streep's case, this motivation is complicated by the fact that she has won twice before, but that was way back in 1979 and 1982.  Since then, she's been so consistently good that her greatness gets taken for granted.  Being consistently stellar actually makes it harder to win Awards, since in a sense you're competing not only with your peers but also with yourself.  I bet there were a number of Academy members whose thought process on who to vote for for Best Actress went something like this: "yes Meryl Streep was great in "Julie and Julia" this year, but wasn't  she just as great in "Doubt" last year? She didn't win then, so why she should win this year? Plus, she'll be back, and I'll get another chance to vote for her - after all, it's Meryl!" (this is how I imagine Hollywood celebrities talk to each other).  Which means that when you become really, really good at what you do, if you want special recognition, you have to stand out not just from others, but from your own history.

I haven't seen "The Blind Side" yet, but when I do, I'll bet I won't think Sandra Bullock deserved the award over Streep.  Still, it probably worked out for the best, since she's likable enough and IMO gave one of the funniest acceptance speeches ever.  I'm sure Meryl will pick up a few more Oscars as she enters her golden years, and Hollywood realizes she won't be around forever - just like with Katherine Hepburn, when she won a couple in the late 60s (and then another one in 1981 for "On Golden Pond") after a thirty year drought. (H/T Kyle on the ESPN link)

Update:  I just saw Sandra Bullock's Razzie speech posted below - which makes two great acceptance speeches in the same year.  This beats the heck out of giving Awards to Sean Penn.

 

This Is Better Than Any Speech From Last Night

Sandra Bullock won an Oscar last night for The Blind Side, but she also won a Razzie this year for All About Steve.  Unlike most Razzie winners, Bullock showed up to accept the award and, I've got to say, I love her acceptance speech.

Movie Monday: Shutter Island

I'll tell you what movie won't be winning any Oscars come this time next year: Shutter Island.  I caught the new Scorsese flick on Friday, having arrived to the theater too late for the film I intended to see (Alice in Wonderland).  It was the first movie I thought about walking out of since Pirates of the Caribbean 3.

I'm still struggling to figure out how Scorsese could mess this up.  He is an awesome director.  The actors including Leonardo DiCaprio, Ben Kingsley, and Mark Ruffalo, who are also awesome.  The previews implied suspense, mystery, and a cool setting of an isolated mental hospital for violent criminals.  Throw that mix of things together and you should get something at least moderately entertaining.  At the end of the day I can only point blame at the script, because it was so ridiculous that it was beyond saving.

DiCaprio plays U.S. marshal Teddy Daniels who, along with new partner Chuck Aule (Ruffalo), is assigned to investigate the escape of a violent patient at Shutter Island's Ashecliffe Hospital.  The head doctor (Kingsley) isn't very helpful and you get the feeling that some shady stuff might be happening at Shutter Island.  Daniels isn't getting anywhere with the investigation, but he can't leave the island because of a hurricane.  Daniels is trapped in crazy land and at this point things are starting to get really weird.  More prisoners escape.  Daniels keeps having weird dreams involving WWII and his dead wife.  Conspiracy theories involving medical experiments and communists abound.  And Daniels admits odd personal motives for taking the Shutter Island case. 

If that sounds at all suspenseful, I assure you that it was not.  It was a haphazard combination of clues that weren't adding up and, more importantly, weren't that interesting.  Just as I was begging for the movie to be over and kicking myself for not walking out an hour ago before things got to this level of stupidity, there was a huge twist that (and I didn't think it was possible until it happened) made the plot even more ridiculous and less entertaining.  In other words, Scorsese tried to pull off Fight Club and ended up with A Perfect Getaway instead.

Verdict: On a scale of one to bad, Shutter Island is very, very bad.  Barely two stars.

Five Star Friday

I think we've all experienced conversations where you're talking about your favorite something or other - movie, TV show, music, whatever - and someone takes issue with one of your selections.  They then list all the imperfections that they assume you've overlooked.  Sometimes they convince you to come around to their way of thinking, but other times, even recognizing the imperfections, you see no reason to alter your lofty opinion.  The latter reaction is the one I have when people criticize today's FSF selection.  From an objective stand-point, its far from perfect but you know what?  I don't care, as I still find it to be a lot of fun.  Listen...do you smell something?

Movie Monday: The Damned United

My Netflix choice this weekend was The Damned United (which didn't seem to be out in theaters for too long, presumably because most Americans don't heart the soccer).

The film is a fictionalized tale of the true-life implosion of Brian Clough at Leeds United, with an emphasis on fictionalized: Clough's family and the few key players that are still alive are none too pleased with the accuracy of the film or the book the film is based on.  The plot, in a sense, is the polar opposite of most sports flicks.  There are countless tales of coaches leading a motley crew of underdogs to glory.  Clough, on the other hand, inherited the dominant side in English football, promptly alienated the players by calling them cheaters, led the team to an abysmal record, and was fired after a mere 44 days.  If you're going to go out, go out with style, I guess.

The film does not take a linear approach, with Clough's 44 days at Leeds spread out amongst flashbacks to his rise to fame at Derby County.  That sequence, if edited out from the later failures, could read like a typical uplifting sports movie: Clough, along with assistant Peter Taylor, turned Derby from a bottom of the table second division club to one of the best teams in the country.  Along the way he developed a deep rivalry (read: unhealthy obsession) with Leeds manager Don Revie.  At Derby Clough was often brash an controversial, but was a darling of the media and club supporters.  But after a tiff with the board of directors, Clough found himself out of a job.  He landed at another small club, Brighton & Hove Albion, but when Don Revie left to become manager of the England national squad, Leeds came calling and Clough found himself replacing his bitter rival.

So, to recap, this movie involved 1) English football in the seventies (awesome -- though I could have used some footage of Ossie and my Chelsea boys, aka the 1970 FA Cup Champions over Leeds United in the final) and 2) partially true, soap-opera style drama.  In other words, I should have loved this move.  But I walked away thinking it was just okay.  Why?  The only likable character was Peter Taylor and he wasn't around too often.  I didn't have anyone to root for.  Clough, as presented in the film, was a total jerk.  The Leeds players?  Jerks.  Don Revie?  Jerk.  Example: on Clough's first day at Leeds he calls the team out for their dirty play.  Based on the matches I've seen of Leeds in the seventies, I'm inclined to agree with Clough.  But Clough is so arrogant and unlikeable when he says it, I can't really side with him.  So, other than a bit of schadenfreude at Leeds' failure (as a loyal Chelsea girl, I hate our old northern rivals) the film wasn't very satisfying.

Verdict: Three stars.

Five Star Friday

Each of the various ways in which artist can choose to tell a story have a different area in which they excell.  Novels allow authors to spend time exploring the inner feelings and motivations of their characters while musicians can use song to evoke the audience's feelings and emotions.  Films, meanwhile, (and to a similar extent, TV) struggle with complex character examination, but surpass anything else when it comes to depicting the outward expression of conflict and delivering visual impact.  Todays' FSF selection is pretty much a case study in what film can provide that no other medium can. It delivers conflict, style and gorgeous visuals by the fistful, and that more than makes up for the relative lack of character depth and the fact the underlying premise is one of the oldest known to man: revenge.

As Allison would say, file under awesome...

Students at Ole Miss appear poised to change the school mascot from noted rebel leader "Colonel Reb" to even more noted rebel leader Admiral Ackbar.  Of course I'm a big fan of the original Star Wars trilogy and an alum of a school that uses Donald Duck for its mascot, so my opinion may be a bit skewed.

A difficult case.

So, was Gollum a schizophrenic or did he suffer from multiple personality disorder?

“Sméagol (Gollum) is a single, 587 year old, hobbit-like male of no fixed abode. He has presented with antisocial behaviour, increasing aggression, and preoccupation with the “one ring.”… …His forensic history consists of Deagol’s murder and the attempted murder of Samwise Gamgee. He has no history of substance misuse, although like many young hobbits he smoked “pipe weed” in adolescence. Sméagol has forgotten many memories of his childhood, and we have limited collateral history on his premorbid personality. Before obtaining the ring he was an inquisitive child with odd interests, who enjoyed causing mischief and solitary activities such as burrowing under trees to look at roots. He dislikes himself, stale raw fish, and “hobbitses.”

Click here for the rest.

(H/T Volokh.com)

Movie Monday: New Moon

Alternate title of this post: I saw Twilight: New Moon so you don't have to.  You're welcome.
 
I found the first Twilight flick to be a mediocre teen drama.  New Moon on the other hand was downright hilarious.  Why was New Moon so unintentionally funny?  I identify four main reasons:
 
1) Horrible CGI. Maybe in 1977 circa the first Star Wars movie I would have been impressed by the crappy CGI werewolves, but not in 2010.  Twas the impetus for much laughter.
 
2) Lots of dramatic pausing.  A note to the actors in Twilight: dramatic pauses are not a substitute for acting.  In every scene it was like 20 seconds between each line.  "I love you, Edward."  PAUSE.  "I have to leave." PAUSE. "But I love you." PAUSE. "This will be the last time you'll see me." PAUSE. "But I...(PAUSE)...why?"  PAUSE.  "Goodbye, Bella."  PAUSE.  Cut out the pauses and I'm pretty sure I'd have 30-40 minutes of my life back.
 
3) Teenage boys casually taking their shirts off in every scene. Because that's totally normal.  Jacob was the worst offender in this regard, eliciting a round of applause and cat calls from the audience every time he took his shirt off mid-scene.  This is also for reference, why you should see any future Twilight films at a movie theater that is also a bar (you'll want to drink) and only charges $1 for your ticket (it's not worth any more than that).  The audience reactions were just as entertaining as the movie and 13-year-old girls won't glare at you when you laugh out loud at their favorite movie.
 
4) The plot.  It's essentially a ripoff of Romeo and Juliet if there was also a moody werewolf vying for Juliet's affection, Juliet has an addiction to extreme sports and spends every other seen passed out in a forest, and Juliet is immune from Dakota Fanning's evil vampire spells, obvi.
 
Verdict: Please let them do a Rifftrax to this movie someday.